What made the cover:
• "Tom & Katie: The truth about their BABY!" (InTouch Weekly)
• "Hollywood's secret 'GAY LIST' ... Who's on it, who's not" (The National Enquirer)
• "SPEND IT WHILE YOU CAN! U.S. currency accidentally printed with disappearing ink!" (Weekly World News)

Hollywood's new power couple:
"Matt [McConaughey] & Lance [Armstrong] ... Single and loving it!" (InTouch Weekly)

Never come between a woman and a Vera Wang gown:
"Mission Possible: KATIE WINS SHOWDOWN WITH TOM! Katie gets her way on wedding, baby & more" (The National Enquirer)

New job title for reality TV producers:
"CLAIRVOYEUR - a psychic who caters to Peeping Toms" (Weekly World News)

Maybe she should try a clairvoyeur:
"Angelina SPYING on Brad! What she found - the other women, the drugs, the lies" (The National Enquirer)

Cue the dueling banjos:
"Outdoorsmen do what the entire United States Army couldn't do... OSAMA CAPTURED IN OZARKS! FBI finds maps & blueprints of the Ozark Nuclear Power Plant" (Weekly World News )

Maybe an acting coach would have been better:
"Sad Tori [Spelling] turns to a psychic" (InTouch Weekly)

Nobody likes a backseat driver:
"Flight attendant FIRED for questioning pilot's navigation skills" (Weekly World News)

Couldn't find maple syrup at Costco?
"Our national forests are in grave danger! VEGAN VAMPIRE ... Trees found sucked dry" ( Weekly World News)

Nation swears off tabloids:
"Paris swears off sex!" ( InTouch Weekly)

No happy hour at Serra Retreat Center:
"MEL'S NOT IN REHAB - HE'S AT HOME!" (The National Enquirer)

Like all agents, they take 10%:
"ANGEL AGENTS ... God's secret army!" (Weekly World News)

[Insert inappropriate probing joke here]:
"UFO encounter leave you less than April-fresh? WASH THAT ALIEN RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HAIR! 'Have you woken up feeling dirty with sucker marks all over your body?'" ( Weekly World News)

Unemployment checks don't go so far in Hollywood:
"Star's new view on finances: PINCHING PENNIES! 'She was asking if anyone had a Costco card'" (The National Enquirer)

You'll never forget to tip:
"Gator Waiter! Pet alligator goes from being dinner - to serving dinner ... with a smile!" (Weekly World News)

Quit fighting! You both have pathetic careers!
"Courteney Cox MARRIAGE CRISIS ... battling couple in counseling" (The National Enquirer)

The Boys from Brazil 2: Weekend at Georgie's:
"PLAN TO MAKE BUSH IMMORTAL BACKFIRES! Vaccine leaves V.P. babbling in corner with chimp! " (Weekly World News)

A-ha!
"BOOZE: It does a body good - says study" ( The National Enquirer)

Well, maybe not this body:
"A tough act to swallow ... Drunk in bar eats 8-inch knife, 8 nails, 2 spoons & 2 clothespins!" ( The National Enquirer)

Trash talk looks at the week's tabloids, so you don't have to.   E-mail Holly Warren