Twenty years ago, it was difficult to imagine navigation systems in cars. For me, it was difficult to even imagine driving, because I spent the summer of 1987 training to be a dangerous teenage driver.

Navigation back then usually came from a passenger:

“You missed the turn! You’re going too fast! You’re going to get us killed!”

It wasn’t very helpful. Especially for a rookie driver, whose only focus was to drive as safely as possible while holding a soda in one hand and dialing the radio with the other.

Thankfully, we now have GPS navigational systems, which provide complete turn-by-turn instructions. TomTom car navigators even offer celebrities such as Burt Reynolds, Mr. T and Dennis Hopper to voice the directions.

The latest celebrity navigator is actor Gary Busey, who — even in Hollywood — is considered strange. This is his sample navigation audio on the TomTom Web site:

“My name is Gary Busey, and if you ever get bored, just honk at geese. Even though you don’t see them, just honk at them.”

Mr. Busey then makes three loud honking noises that sound a little like geese, a little like a car horn and a lot like a fringe celebrity on the fringe of lunacy.

A strange, but entertaining, navigator. And if celebrity navigators prove popular, here are some others that should be available soon:

Oprah Winfrey

“Turn right at the next street, and it will take you closer to your destination, much like the metaphorical boat we all sail on in life, enduring the rough seas to find our spiritual core.”

Rush Limbaugh

“You should make a right at the next street, but I can only tell you to turn right. If you need directions to the left, you’ll need to order the Al Franken or the Hillary.”

American Idol judges

“Gaaawd Paula, your directions are absolutely dreadful. … Shut up Simon, I meant to say right, not left. And no, I haven’t been drinking. As I said before, I’ve never been drunk.”

Paris Hilton

“Sorry, my navigational license has been suspended. Wait, maybe it was my driver’s license that got suspended. Let me check with my personal assistant to see what I’m allowed to do.”

Al Gore

“If you want to make the real right turn — as in the correct turn to help decrease global warming — you should park this car, walk the rest of the way, plant a tree, fight the construction of any facility that burns coal without the capacity to trap and store the carbon dioxide and then demand that your country join an international treaty that cuts pollution in developed countries. Sorry, looks like you missed your street. Make a U-turn ahead.”

Animated kids star Dora the Explorer

“Hi, I’m Dora! Do you think we should make a right turn in the car, el carro, at the next street, la calle? … (long pause waiting for interaction) … Yeah! Everyone move their arms, los brazos, in a circular motion to help steer! We did it! Muy bien.”

Romance novelist Jackie Collins

“I can feel your warm breath on my neck and your heart racing as you yearn for the next direction, so arouse your passionate fire to command the steering wheel to the right at the street where the tree branches seem to frolic in the breeze like a young girl running on a beach.”

Legendary rock group The Police

Lead singer Sting: “Turn right at the next street.” Guitarist Andy Summers: “Come on Sting, it was my turn to give the direction.” Drummer Stewart Copeland: “It’s just like back in the ’80s, when Sting took all the attention from the group. Give me the microphone.” (sounds of scuffling).

Legendary blowhard Donald Trump

“Turn right at the next street, and remember, I’m only doing this navigation thing as a gift to the world. I don’t really have time for this because I’m busy with a major new TV venture that I cannot detail right now because it’s so very huge.”

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