Break Room
Humor Me: The verse thing about patriotism
08:18 AM CDT on Monday, July 2, 2007
With another Fourth of July just days away, it’s time to talk about what makes our country great. The first thing that comes to mind:
Access to education.
It’s certainly been a blessing in my life. And I think it’s a big reason why the United States has flourished in the 233 years since the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776.
Wait, I guess that would be 231 years ago. So the second reason why our country is great:
Access to calculators.
Of course, there are many more reasons why this is the greatest country in the world. And this is the week Americans will celebrate those reasons by heading to a wide-open space to throw down a blanket, throw back some beers and — as the fireworks explode above them in magnificent colors — ooh and ah as they rub calamine lotion on their mosquito bites.
Throw in some of those glow-in-the-dark tubes that people like to wear on their heads, and it’s truly an America the Beautiful moment. So let’s sing:
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
Uh … I felt a little lonely there after “O beautiful.” Is it because nobody knows the second verse? Did you stop singing to look up “alabaster” in the dictionary?
I admit that I didn’t know that verse until I looked it up. And as it turns out, there are a lot of patriotic songs I don’t know much about. (I do know “Yankee Doodle,” but I don’t think sticking a feather in a cap and calling it macaroni really gets to the heart of what America is about.)
You probably know more patriotic lyrics than I. So tell me the song that features these lines:
They must be joking thinking we will fall,
But they’re like flies movin’ the wall,
We stand tall from beginning to end,
With the help from fans and all our friends.
That’s right, it’s from “Banned in the USA” by 2 Live Crew. It’s not a patriotic song, but I threw it in there because it’s about freedom of speech and the Constitution. It’s also the only song that has “USA” in the title and includes the phrase “we’re too nasty and we’re 2 Live.”
But let’s move on to something more patriotic, and maybe more familiar:
Let mortal tongues awake,
Let all that breathe partake,
Let rocks their silence break,
The sound prolong.
Did you know that one? It’s from the third verse of “My Country ’Tis of Thee,” which is when my mortal tongue usually just hums along.
I have to do the same thing with “The Star-Spangled Banner,” which has enough verses to stretch on like a band that gets paid by the minute. Most of us know the first verse, but after the “land of the free and home of the brave,” there are three more verses.
Imagine if the traditional pre-sporting event national anthem used all four. With the right singer, one who slows the song down to suit his or her style, television might need to squeeze in a commercial break.
I would like to see a singer try it. You know, finish the first verse with a flourish, wait for the thundering applause to fade, and then start verse two:
On the shore dimly seen
Through the mists of the deep;
How do you think the crowd would react?
I like to think most of us would rise to our feet a second time, take off our hats, and continue to honor America by trying to understand the line, “where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes.” At least for a few seconds. Then we would head for the bathroom or concession stand, hoping to get back to our seats before the game started.
Unpatriotic? Maybe. But at least you would be celebrating that America is the “land of the free” by making the decision yourself. And knowing all the words of the national anthem isn’t as important as knowing that it’s sung for the greatest country in the world.
Nearly 200 years after Francis Scott Key wrote “The Star-Spangled Banner,” I’m sure that’s what he would want today.
And maybe one of those glow-in-the-dark tube things to wear on his head. It makes him feel young.
The Humor Me Blog is off and running, or perhaps jogging, or maybe speed-walking ….
You can find it at www.dallasnews.com/humormeblog
I hope that, when you want late-breaking news, financial advice and analysis of global affairs, you'll remember that the Humor Me blog will have none of that. But if you want a little humor to break up your day, check it out.
Visit often, and let me know what you think or if there's an interesting story I should link to.
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