08:10 PM CDT on Tuesday, May 30, 2006

By HOLLY WARREN / Staff Writer

What made the cover:
• "Paul McCartney BULLIED — by one-legged wife!" (Globe)
• "DaVINCI CODE ... What's TRUE ... What's NOT ... PLUS: Boycotts, bans & book burning" (The National Enquirer)
• "REDNECKS SHOOT DOWN SAUCER!" ( Weekly World News)

[Insert Federline lyric here — if you've ever heard one]:
"BRITNEY MARRIAGE IS OVER! — insider says ... Mother's Day blowup is the final straw" (The National Enquirer)

A More Convenient Truth:
"OXYGEN GARDENS ... Grow some plants and save the Earth!" (Weekly World News)

Mine won't even clean the dishes:
"Dishwasher pump keeps woman ALIVE! She's waiting for a new heart" (Weekly World News)

Love quadrangle, er, pentangle:
"Hollywood divorce shockers! Charlie [Sheen] TO DEMAND paternity test! — say sources ... Is Richie Sambora the real father of couple's child?" (The National Enquirer)

Step 1: Watch less Survivor and more Oz:
"Richard Hatch's PRISON SURVIVAL GUIDE ... From paradise to cellblock hell!" (The National Enquirer)

Tanorexia added to DSM-IV:
"Jessica [Simpson] sees a SHRINK!" ( The National Enquirer)

At the Cadbury bunny auditions:
"Dog impressionist leaves 'em begging for more ... Pooch can mimic any animal in the kingdom" ( Weekly World News)

Shocker! Man lies about sexual prowess!
"Wilmer, 'You're a LIAR!' Mandy Moore says she didn't lose her virginity to sitcom stud & Jennifer Love Hewitt denies his steamy sex claims" (Globe)

Diet trend of the week:
"Listen those pounds away with... DIET CDs" (Weekly World News)

It's just an excuse to binge drink:
"FISH UNIVERSITY ... Schools of sea life enroll at ocean campus" (Weekly World News )

The Break-Up:
"Britney Snubs Madonna ... Material Girl stunned as pop tart turns back on Kabbalah" (Globe)

That's one way to boost the, uh, economy:
"Realtor adds sex appeal to bolster sales... MODEL HOMES — With every purchase comes a hot roommate!" (Weekly World News)

Trash talk looks at the week's tabloids, so you don't have to.   E-mail Holly Warren