HOUSTON—Paul Schroeder and Robert Nuttal are decorated soldiers who both served on the front lines of Iraq and Afghanistan.
But even though they’re long retired, they’re still haunted by the battlefield.
"People say, ‘Well, when did you get back from Iraq?’ I got back last night – it was in my dreams," Schroeder said. "The smells are the worst, but it’s also the noise and the sheer chaos."
They saw things overseas that they can’t forget.
"The bodies had burned into the seats where they had become one, and I found myself chiseling these bodies out, one at a time," Nuttal said.
Guilt is just one of the problems Nuttal and Schroeder have struggled with after returning home.
"How do you let it go? How do you let go of the fact you killed people and buried a family, including a 4-year-old child? How do you let that go," Nuttal said.
Both Nuttal and Schroeder are battling post-traumatic stress disorder.
They’re trained and conditioned for war, but as many as one in four veterans has a difficult time when the fighting stops. There’s a vacuum, and there is no training for how to deal with it.
"Last summer I bought a palm tree in my backyard and went to dig the hole. First time I had a shovel since Iraq, and I started crying. I could smell the flesh, see it, touch it, taste it. What did it? A shovel," Nuttal said.
Nuttal said he shut down emotionally, shutting out his wife and four kids.
Schroeder said he put his family through hell while he tried to find comfort in the bottle.
"I was looking to medicate. I was looking for anything to take away the pain," he said.
Schroeder and Nuttal took their pain to the PTSD Foundation of America. For three years now, the foundation has offered counseling for veterans that emphasizes faith.
"I think true healing comes when our spirit is healed, and our spirit is whole. That must take place," David Maulsby of the PTSD Foundation said.
Schroeder said he’s since found that feeling.
He was a soldier for 16 years and fought in dozens of firefights. But to fight this battle, he decided he needed a powerful ally – God.
"Who could carry that depression, carry my grief and carry my shame," Schroeder said. "And in that, I find freedom."Nuttal said a combination of counseling at the VA and the PTSD Foundation saved his life "I found an outlet, but when there is no outlet, suicide is a choice," he said. He said he finally enjoys living once again.
"I enjoy going to baseball games and football games again. I enjoy fishing and going to the girls’ volleyball games," Nuttal said.
Now, the two brave veterans believe they are healing from the scars of war, a day at a time.
