Beauty

Scenting the Presidential Candidates & Spouses Part III: Hillary & Bill

By Michaela Carolyn Griffin / KHOU

Last but not least on the presidential perfume hit parade is couple number three, Hillary and Bill. Yeah, okay, I wanted to type "Bill and Hillary" but that’s just because we heard it said that way for years. Now it's Hillary and Bill, Hillary and Bill.

Perfumes for Possible Presidential Couple Number Three: Hillary & Bill

Hillary, Hillary, Hillary. So maligned. So misunderstood. So scary to so many men. So harshly judged by so many women. But I’ll bet you smell great every single day. Even after a hard day of campaigning. And I’ll bet you wear something beautiful and feminine and classy like Chanel No. 22 with its incredible blend of white roses and incense, or the rich and green Chanel No. 19, or the modern chypre Chanel No. 31 Rue Cambon from the Exclusif collection, with its cool, crisp edge.

Hillary, I don’t know why I think you’re a Chanel girl, but I do.* But If I were to pick a Guerlain for you, it would either be the bombshell classic and godmother of all vanilla scents Shalimar or what I consider to be the house’s new bombshell vanilla, Angelique Noire.

It's strange, but I can't easily see you in many scents from other perfume houses. Maybe maybe maybe Parfum d'Hermes or vintage Miss Dior or the original Jean Louis Scherrer, but only because they have a rich, substantive quality and take some personality and confidence to wear. Oh wait, one other comes to mind for you - Creed Fantasia de Fleurs - which I find to be both sparkling and rich and somehow happy-making. Again, not something a wallflower could wear.

I notice I use the word "rich" to describe a lot of these perfumes. I don't mean rich as in expensive, but rich as in thick, voluminous, smooth and oomphy. Okay, maybe that does equate to expensive. "Sophisticated" is another word I would use to describe all of these scents.

Hillary, perhaps in your private moments you could wear something more lighthearted like L'Artisan Premier Figuier, which is like sunshine in a bottle with the entire fig tree thrown in. Or a revitalizing scent like Miller Harris Citron Citron - all fresh citrus up top with a quietly sexy underpinning. Either scent would be relaxing and easy.

Bill. You sexy thing. Sexy thing you. I’m serious, people. I got to see this man up close and personal in the Oval Office - before the scandal, before the heart trouble - and he is incredibly attractive.

Women who think Hillary should’ve left him are either being disingenuous or are complete idiots. They don’t realize that men like him - not only tall and handsome but your intellectual and aspirational match - don’t grow on trees. (If they do, somebody needs to point me to the nearest orchard.) Not excusing his straying; there is no excuse. Just saying I can understand why she didn’t ditch him.

I’ll bet he smells good, too.

I would love to sniff Bill in Hermes Bel Ami (the so-called “bedroom scent”), Eau de Cartier with its slightly boozy (gin!), woodsy notes, Dior Eau Sauvage (sexiest citrus I’ve ever smelled), Miller Harris's woodsy and spicy-yet-clean Feuilles de Tabac, or Creed’s traditional yet oh-so-sexy Bois du Portugal. (Paul Newman is reputed to wear Bois du Portugal and I believe it. It's as gorgeous as he is.)

If I were to pick a Chanel for Bill it would have to be Chanel Pour Monsieur, a very male blend of sexy and classy. And I would definitely love to smell the man in Guerlain Habit Rouge, the male counterpart to Shalimar. It smells to me like the sun-warmed leather seats of an Italian convertible sitting atop a Tuscan hill overlooking a field of flowers.

The other thing I'd love to smell on Bill is nothing at all. Sorry, Hill, ‘tis true. He's just that attractive in person.

So there you have them, my thoughts about how the presidential hopefuls and their mates might smell. Of course, all of us perfume lovers would love to know what perfumes and colognes they REALLY wear, so if anyone out there has the inside scent scoop, please spill it.

*In perfume lore it was said that Chanel was for the wives, Guerlain was for the mistresses. This may be total rot of course, but the two houses do have unique styles and if you haven't smelled them side by side, you should.